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I finally got around to posting an outfit of the day!…yikes… It’s been a long time since I’ve had the courage to model in front of the camera. Mainly because I have gained weight and I’ve had no desire to showcase these extra pounds. Most of the weight is due to medication, which causes all sorts of hormone changes and slows down my metabolism. I feel so sluggish and achy some days. Another problem is I don’t have as much energy as I use to,thanks to chemo and radiation. My body has seen the worst of times over this past year. It use to be effortless to take pictures and feel confident. Now I’m worried about covering up scars and ways to hide my weight gain, it’s exhausting.
I wasn’t motivated to lose the weight until recently. I was stuck, I ate more, didn’t exercise and felt tired all the time. It was a horrible feeling. At first I thought I was putting back on the weight I lost during treatment. Then it just crept up on me and wouldn’t budge. I couldn’t take it anymore, I was uncomfortable all the time. Nothing fit and I refused to go shopping for larger sizes. I decided to join the gym, I go 3-4 times a week, for at least two hours, thankfully the pounds are slowly melting away and my energy is coming back. I feel better overall, I guess exercise really does the body good.
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I had a latissimus Dorsi Flap procedure in October of last year. I have yet to complete my reconstruction. I’ve put it off for months because I was tired of being carved up. Cancer really sucks!..nothing worse than having scars all over and breasts that have no sensation. I have one temporary tissue expander in my left boob and an actual silicon implant in the other. The whole experience has been one crazy emotional mess.
I feel like there is no plan for life after treatment. When I started out, there was a plan, a diet, a routine, it sucked but it was a “road map” to recovery. I don’t know that I will ever get use to life after treatment. I was lost for a while, I found it hard to adjust, which is weird because I’m usually in control and adapt to change easily.
I’m not going to complain though, I know countless women who have metastatic breast cancer (stage IV) terminal cancer that will be in treatment for the rest of there lives. Having any terminal disease is a tough reality to live with daily. My heart goes out to them.
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I try stay focused and positive. It helps with depression and survivors guilt. I wanted to get back to doing something I love to do. Fashion has always been one of my favorite hobbies so I wanted to get back to blogging. These days I look for fit and comfort when choosing pieces for my wardrobe. I go for clothes with higher necklines, loose fit, and patterns that compliment my style. I’ve always loved a pair of jeans and pumps, it just works well for different occasions. I’ve had the jacket for a while, it’s by Loft, see a similar style here. The bag and pumps were affordable pieces from T.J. Maxx. The blouse is from spring of last year, I purchased it at Kohl’s.
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I hope you enjoy the pictures and as always, thanks for stopping by…XO!

 

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Self Love

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I had reached some really low points emotionally while battling ‘breast cancer’ this past year. The very thought that cancer had invaded my body was enough to turn my world upside down. I felt hopeless…lost….confused and deeply hurt. I initially cried a lot, stopped eating, and closed myself off from the rest of the world. How could anyone ever look at me the same? Why did I have to get cancer? When you’re a woman you worry about everything, especially physical (beauty) or your appearance in general ….our society is built on it. After losing all my hair during chemo, then both my breast after bilateral surgery, I had to learn to LOVE and ACCEPT the new me. 


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Xo 

 

A Woman’s Intuition

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“When cancer knocks at your door, it does not discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you’re older or younger in age, or of any particular race, your sex doesn’t matter either, just be ready to fight for your life”.
I have been absent from the blogging world for quite some time but it’s been for good reason. On May 29th after discovering a sizable (3 cm) tumor in my breast I went for a mammogram at my local breast center and was diagnosed with invasive (infiltrating) ductal carcinoma. It is the most common type of breast cancer that affects women, accounting for 80% of diagnoses each year. This type of breast cancer also affects men.  To add to the drama of hearing such devastating news, I’m also triple positive. What this basically means is that my type of cancer is also aggressive and rapidly growing.
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I have just completed my 3rd chemo cycle/round of 6, so let’s just say that my life has completely changed in so many ways. My diagnosis ER+ / PR+, HER2+1 has some pros…if that’s even a good choice of words because of the number of available treatment options. On the other hand (HER2-positive) mutations tend to grow rapidly, be aggressive and have more re-occurrences.
Truthfully, I’ve finally crawled out of a very dark place emotionally. My health news has been a difficult decision to share publicly but I have used my social media platforms to inform about many things in the past. In this case maybe my story can save someone’s life. I will not be posting daily again for some time however, since so much has taken place since the initial diagnosis and completion of my 3rd chemo cycle I will do my best to share the events during that time as well.
Thank God for giving me enough woman’s intuition to be proactive about my own health and for not settling for medical professionals telling me “it’s just fibroadenoma” or “you’re too young” to have breast cancer.  Thanks a million to my growing support team that consists of my family, close friends, and people who have shared their personal journey with me. I also want to thank all of you who have reached out to me privately asking about my absence from blogging, I had contemplated stopping all together but I love that some of you found it entertaining.
Until next time!
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